Venus/Neptune connections in the birth chart can bring you to experience the most ecstatic as well as the most excruciating sides of love. This blissful, ethereal aspect surely has its pros – compassion, sensitivity, imagination – but the downsides can be definitely stressful: from seemingly perfect relationships mysteriously blowing apart for no reason, to tragicomic lapses of judgment, to being thanklessly taken advantage of. On the other hand, the standard astrological advice of taking off your “rose colored glasses” and simply “getting real” doesn’t seem to leave much in the way of insight and explanation.
If this sounds like you, you’ve come to the right place. Having a Venus/Neptune trine in my chart, and a load of other Neptune aspects to most of my planets, I had to deal with many of the typical Venus/Neptune problems and then some. Here is a handy list that covers the most important ones, with a few tips and tricks to step up your dating/relationship game and attract the romance your long for.
1. Don’t put them on a pedestal; put yourself in their shoes instead
Let’s face it, empathy and sensitivity are among Venus/Neptune natives’ strong points; such an understanding, non-judgmental attitude is part of what makes you attractive. However, this brings us to a very common pitfall of Neptunian relationships: the idealization that causes Venus/Neptune natives to put their love interest on a pedestal, overlooking the (human) flaws and focusing on the real or imagined virtues. It might feel pleasant and addictive, at least once the enchantment wears off, and the voice of reason cuts your partner down to size.
What you may not realize is that being idealized can be as dehumanizing and even emotionally traumatizing as being devaluated; the higher the pedestal, the more it hurts to fall. As contradictory as this may sound, sometimes we can harm others the most when we insist on seeing the good in them at all costs; this might be hard to grasp, unless we reverse the situation and picture our partner, to whom we grew attached, sudden losing interest in us after we’ve exposed our imperfections. It would suck, right?
Bottom line, you might want to reconsider the way your expectations, hopes and projections might potentially harm a lover, and make sure you rely on your empathic qualities, rather than giving in to idealization, upon getting to know a potential love interest.
2. When their projection is showing
‘Projection’ is one of the keywords of Venus/Neptune, as people with this aspect seem to be prone to this dynamic more than anyone else. However, anyone can “project” something on someone else – in fact, most people do, including your partner. The problem is that your porous boundaries, natural fluidity and receptivity to people and situations also make you an apt target for projections of any sorts.
Like water assuming the shape of its container, Venus/Neptune adapts and responds to the most subtle energies. Sometimes this can resemble an advantage, as you seem to effortlessly incarnate people’s wildest fantasies, but most of the time it results in their inability to ‘see’ the real you, something that can get in the way of a genuine, transparent connection.
In order to keep people’s projections from taking over your inner truth, it’s important to work on your sense of self, through cultivating your talents, values, beliefs and sharing them honestly and openly with the people you associate with. You’re an unique individual: define who you are and what you want, and be confident! Consistency and personal integrity are key concepts: losing yourself into someone else is a beautiful experience that doesn’t have to pose a threat to your own identity.
3. One size DOESN’T fit all
The endless quest for a higher love is one of Venus/Neptune’s core motivations – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. If Twin Flame love is what you want, if sacred sexuality appeals to you, if you long for a partner with whom you can share your dreams and your spiritual path with, then by all means keep looking for it. None of that is “delusional” or unhealthy.
But here’s the caveat: the only obstacle that can keep you from achieving what you truly desire can come from your inclusive, universally accepting nature. Lack of discrimination can cause you to assume that everyone and anyone can be equally suitable for such experiences of blissful union, but that’s not the truth.
Jumping from one relationship to the next, thinking you might have found “the One” every time, is a symptom of this belief, and so is falling in love with “potential” time and again or settling for someone that doesn’t make you happy, hoping that “they will change”. More often than not, disappointment is the aftermath.
This doesn’t mean that you should simply give up; you can have that kind of love, just not with everyone you meet. Sometimes, two people can be at very different stages of development, going through different phases in life, or simply prioritizing different things.
In short, attraction and even mutual respect don’t automatically ensure compatibility. Once you realize this, you’ll have more time and energy to invest in yourself, so that you can become able to attract the kind of connection you want.
4. Stop making excuses for them
Venus/Neptune is often prone to overlooking red flags and early warning signs; fear of upsetting the partner, and sometimes, an inability to be held accountable for one’s own feelings, are some of the reasons for this. However, actions, behaviors, and attitudes that make you uncomfortable or even cause you pain and/or fear are not things you should justify, whether it’s lies, emotional unavailability, disrespect, or betrayal (in the most extreme cases, even mental/physical abuse unfortunately).
Letting such issues slide by harms you, belittles you – and also encourages and attracts more of the same. Plus, ignoring your own feelings might actually be a way to avoid facing the reasons which drive you to stay in an unpleasant situation; if there’s something that drastically decreases the rates of finding the right relationship, it’s the lack of awareness and refusal to acknowledge your inner motivations and needs (also being stuck with someone who doesn’t put in the effort to make things work doesn’t help).
In short: constantly making excuses for someone else’s wrongdoing of any kind is a major red flag in itself, and a habit that should be corrected. Stepping back and looking for answers (both within yourself and with each other) can help you gaining insight into the hidden dynamics of the relationship.
Suggested Reading: Training Your Inner Warrior: Mars in Aspect to Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto
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